Dashboard
I like creating dashboard widgets. I created an Unread blog count reader for the Mosaic site. That was fun. I also created am currently in the process of creating a dasboard widget that is a time tracker for projects (allows you to track time for multiple project over a day). I can use that.
I think that I like creating dashboard widgets because its a good combination of Web development, with the feeling of creating a system application. Both of which I enjoy doing. Anyway, enough about that.
The End of All Things
So, for my birthday (March 4th) Angie bought me the LOTR extended version DVD's. Since then we decided to watch all the special features and then each movie. We did it and just finished Return of the King tonight (It only took us 5 months!).
Anyway, a phrase that was used a lot in the last movie was "the end of all things." I like that phrase because it addresses the fact that EVERYTHING has changed. Things cannot go on as they were. A person who has been through the end of all things cannot go back to who he was.
For instance, in LOTR (the movie and the books) Frodo goes on this epic journey that is far beyond anything he has ever done, or really could ever do. I always thought to myself that it would be so hard to return to the Shire after what he had been through. The Shire was a great place, but frodo & friends experienced so much more, and their understanding of themselves, their friends, and the world around them was so changed by their experiences, that I always thought it would be hard for Frodo to consider the Shire home anymore. That's why I was always so happy that the book (and movie) ended with the Gray Havens. It just makes sense to me.
So...all that to say, I think there are a lot of little "end of all things" in our lives. Watching Return of the King just made me realize it more. I remember when I was in High School that was my life, I lived for school, my friends at school, my drum line at school, my cross-country team at school. That was my life. About a month after graduation I was on a mission trip in Bolivia and completely one day found myself grieving for the fact that I would never again march in a drum-line, or race on a cross country team, or even see all my friends from high school. I remember it being very hard and difficult for me to let go. It took me months to get over all of that grieving. However, after time had passed I realized that, as great as high school had been for me, it was over and I really would never want to go back. Seriously, if someone gave me the chance to go back I never would. That time in Bolivia was, in a sense, the end of all things for me. My life was changing and it would never be the same (thankfully).
The same is true in marriage and kids. Both those things have changed my life and even if they were both taken away from me, I would still view myself as a husband and a father. I am forever changed in that respect and can never go back to being single or childless. I have reached the end of all things as it relates to my individuality in that respect.
So, as I think about it, I want to continue to have "end of all things" moments in my life, I want to change and morph. To become a better person. A person more wise, mature, and thoughtful. A person not caught up in the immediate. but one who sees the whole. Getting to that place will require a journey to the "end of all things." A journey from which I cannot return to the same place I was before.
As I see it, the end of all things requires grief. There is no getting around that, any loss or leaving-behind (even if it is a leaving of an evil aspect of our lives) is painful and causes much struggling and grieving. However, I believe that deepened understanding and joy are the results of which temporary grief is only a small price to pay. Going back to the LOTR example Frodo and Sam's friendship was significantly deeper than it was when they started their journey. Words became unnecessary as a simple smile conveyed a well of feelings and thoughts. That's what the "end of all things" can bring. That's what I want for my life.
The harder part is remembering that I want this when tomorrow morning arrives. The concerns of day make it much harder to listen to that voice that wants to take you on a journey. It makes it harder to submit to that leading hand that will walk you though the grief of leaving this imperfect life behind for a better, more redeemed life. But maybe I will find the ability to do that in the hectic-ness of the next day and the one after that and the one after that.
So, not sure if I correctly conveyed my thoughts and experiences all that well. Words just don't express desires and feelings as much as I would like them too. Sorry for the big blog after such a long silence. Carry on...Carry on...